Labels

One of the most debated topics within the field of counseling is whether diagnostic labeling does more harm to clients than it does good. The reason for this controversy is connected to the fact that individuals receiving labels sometimes experience discrimination as a result. Some patients' symptoms worsen after diagnosis, as they begin to find their personal identity wrapped within their identified disorder.

This concept got me thinking about the labels that I regularly apply to myself. Here are just a few I use from a spiritual perspective:

Follower of Christ
Open-Theist
Inclusivist
Pacifist
Progressive
Wanna-be Mennonite (like Hauerwas)
Theistic Evolutionist
Amillinialist
Non-patriot

The unfortunate thing is that I regularly use these labels to grade myself against others and/or others against myself. In fact, I often catch myself disregarding people based on the labels they apply to themselves. For example, if someone I don't know really well comes up to me and says, "I'm a pretty conservative, reformed, Christian," my internal response will be something like, "Here comes some rigid, exclusivist, closed off theology." The odd thing is, many of my close friends and family members hold different theological positions than I do and yet I love them dearly. Because I actually know them as people and not as a collection of labels, I don't grade them so harshly.

The difficult thing about spiritual (or political, or whatever) labels, like diagnostic labels, is that they can't be thrown out. They help communicate something about us as people. We need language, otherwise nothing can be learned, discussed, or tested. However, labels do not get to the core of who we are. Just like a patient is not entirely defined by his or her diagnosis, I cannot be fully defined by qualifiers. There is something deeper going on inside of me (and you).

In the counseling relationship, therapists utilize a technique / orientation called "unconditional positive regard." UPR is a client centered concept that seeks to meet the patient right in their need. It withholds judgments and evaluations so that the client can work through issues without feeling overwhelmed by the risk of self-revelation. When I think of UPR, I think of the grace of God. I think of all those who I have evaluated and deemed unworthy; the same people for whom God still holds out hope. I think of all the times I have beat myself up, only to realize God's forgiving nature.

I guess the real questions are as follows: Can I (we) utilize labels to communicate pieces but not expect them to encompass the whole? Can I (we) give one another and ourselves the grace needed to experience healthy growth? While these questions may seem to lead to a simple venture of non-judment, adopting such a view of the self and others is truly challenging task. I pray that I (we) would learn how to leave the sorting of human hearts to God.

Peace,
Drew

Anxiety and Being Me

The responses I get when I tell people that I earned an undergrad degree in accounting and am now pursuing a master's in mental health counseling can be pretty interesting. Typical reactions range from the taken aback - "Wait, what?" - to the surprised and yet enthusiastic (or maybe sarcastic) - "Wow! How's that working out for you?" - to the confused - "Aren't those...like... polar opposites?" I truly get a kick out of the perplexed smiles and confused, ruffled eyebrows. I find these respnses funny because I don't question the decision I made to change my life's direction. I am living out two of my greatest passions: to learn about things that matter and serve people in need.

When I first began toying with the idea of quitting my full time job to go back to school, I had some legitimate concerns. I mean, to have stable employment in the current economy could be considered a blessing. And if you know me, you understand that moving from a state of perceived control to state of uncertainty wells up all kinds of crazy anxiety. Yet, I knew accounting would never be fulfilling for me. So I took a small step, gave up my full time job, took on two part time jobs, and started classes full time.

Being that I experienced a significant amount of anxiety at the start of my undergraduate studies, I wondered how I would fair in the graduate realm. I can remember the pain of my freshman year of college all too clearly. Every morning I would wake up with a pit in my stomach, fear in my chest, and what seemed like a mountain of work to accomplish sitting under my lofted bed. At anxiety's peak, I petitioned God to end my life - I was unwilling to do it myself. I can remember one night specifically, probably in September or October of 2003, when I was driving back to Huntington from Van Wert. I had left at dusk, and as the sun set across highway 30, I prayed that God would send a semi-truck through the median. Make it quick. I couldn't bear another week of this constant weight hanging around my neck.

Luckily, an upper-classman friend at Huntington, who I also knew from high school, took the time to listen to my nervous rants. On an everyother day basis she would check in with me. If I was freaking out, she would meet me down in Wright Hall lounge so that I could unload my thoughts. Sometimes taking this time to decompress was difficult because I knew my assignments weren't getting any closer to being done. Yet, I regularly found myself sitting in that big red lounge chair, dirty from years of spills and general abuse, staring at the ceiling, unsure of how to move forward.

Gradually, with the help of some anti-anxiety meds, I was able to get my head above water. I got more involved in extra-curricular events and started staying up later to hang out with guys in my hall. I found a couple of guys who were willing to mentor me, in an informal sort of way. Whenever I would start to get panicky, I would go study in their rooms. I found that simply being in the presence of others worked to remind me that, while existentially alone, I could choose community. There's a lot more I could say about my college years and experiences with anxiety, but I'll leave it at this: talking through my problems and being in community (along with the ever-so-calming SSRI) may have been the keys to keeping me from diving off the deep end.

So back to the present day. I am still an anxious person. I still struggle with finding a balance in my studies (I have taken an hour break to write this, so that's got to be a good sign, right?!). Yet, I feel at home in the field of counseling. I know the impact that a listening, and somewhat objective, ear can have on a person's life. I had a former business professor ask me not too long ago what I was thinking when I didn't go into the business world, as I graduated at the top of my class. When I explained the turmoil I experienced throughout my early college years, the confusion and pain he never saw in me throughout our many classes together, he said, "I get it now. It makes perfect sense that you would want to meet people in that specific need. A need you know all too well."

So, here I am, working to find my niche in a new field. Dr. Davis, the head of my program, gave me some good advice yesterday while watching a counseling session I led. He told me,"You've got some real people pleasing in you. You take any idea I give you and try to implement it... immediately. We're going to have to work on that a bit." I responded, "I want to be the best counselor out there. I don't know if I understand how to tame that. I'm always looking to the next assignment, never valuing my past successes." His follow-up hit me deep in the chest, "Drew, you don't need to be the best counselor. You need to be you. You are going to be good at this if you can learn to trust the process."

So that's my next step. To be myself. I'm kind of in the process of learning what that means. I've got a lot of insufficiencies burried within, which become appearant in my thoughts and actions. But I'm working to bring those more clearly to the fore-ground. I'm trying to reorient my life in way that pursues God and serves others. This is what I know: I don't have to be the best. I don't have to be someone I'm not. I need to find myself and bring that to the table. I need to contribute to the story of God's redemptive healing.

Grace and Peace,
Drew

Update

I will be updating soon with some pictures. Lydia will no longer be able to verbally acost me over my blogger apathy. Haha.

Coffee Shop / Church Action

Here are some shots of the inside of the 509. We've been working to put in the coffee bar for a while. It takes a decent amount of time to get all the electrical, plumbing, and painting done. I put a second coat of stain and finished the floor of the brown side this weekend (these photos were taken prior to my handy work). We also have a thrift store in our basement but I didn't get any photos of that area. It's coming along!














Enjoy!

Drewbie

Movies and Music

I've been a bit of a media binge the last few days. I'm bored and it's really been the only thing to occupy my mind.

Movies viewed in the last 4 days...
Big Daddy
The Bourne Identity
The Bourne Ultimatum
Transformers
Dan In Real Life
Juno

Music I've been stuck on...
Plans by Death Cab for Cutie
Transatlanticism by Death Cab for Cutie
Eat, Sleep, Repeat by Copeland
In Motion by Copeland
Viva la Vida by Coldplay
Come On Feel the Illinoise by Sufjan Stevens

I need to get reading again. Sometimes I just go in reading drought. Right now...I'm in a reading drought

I have to umpire church softball tonight. I'm not really looking forward to it. I'm surprisingly non-confrontational with people who are not family or close friends.

Redemptive Stories and Coffee Shops

Typically, I'm a non-fiction guy but I needed a little break from theology, economics, and current affairs. I am sometimes hesitant to pick up fiction because I wonder if it will be a waist of time. I tend to question if I will gain any truth from the investment. Thankfully, I have.

A couple of months back I finished a book called A Lesson Before Dying written by Ernest Gaines. While the character development is a bit slow, the narrative as a whole ends up being quite moving. The basic premise revolves around a couple of questions: What makes someone truly a man (human)? Is a person who is sentenced to die (in a short period of time) worth teaching? Is it beneficial to encourage the pursuit of knowledge and personal / spiritual development when the end is immanent? There are numerous spiritual and intellectual implications involved in answering such questions. I definitely enjoyed pondering these ideas while also getting a look into 1940s african american culture in the south.

I also recently finished The Kite Runner authored by Khaled Hosseini. This book is quite good. It engages the ideas of paternal approval, loyalty and betrayal, cultural development, and finding "a way to be good again." The storyline is probably one of my favorites. As a reader you get to peak into Afghan culture as the main character deals with his past and pursues redemption. His faith struggle is apparent throughout. He has a tough time believing in God (Allah in this case specifically) or in the goodness of those who are closest to him. The book is definitely worthwhile exploration.

What I love about both books is that the heroes have major character flaws. They are weak in some form or another. They have troubled pasts and struggle to stand up for what is good and True. Yet, they find a way to reach deep within themselves to not only do what is right but be taught by the folks they encounter along the way. I also like the fact that the stories don't fully resolve. There is closure but not the "happily ever after" that many stories draw in.

It's been enjoyable to find myself being challenged intellectually and spiritually outside of the non-fiction realm. Refreshing is probably the best way of describing it.

My current read is The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky. It's off to a great start but it's a long one. It will likely take me most of the summer to finish.

In other news, my church's not for profit coffee shop is starting to take shape. I spent a good portion of yesterday helping to keep things moving on the construction / clean up side. Once we get it started I think it will pair nicely with our thrift store downstairs. I need to take some pictures of the progess and post them on here. It's pretty sweet.

That's all for now...
Love All,
Drew

A New Beginning

I have decided to take another shot at writing out my thoughts. It's been quite a while so it should be an interesting experiment. It's a little too late to process right now... Stay tuned.